Twelve Hard-learned Leadership Principles and Values
At times of personal and professional change, it can be valuable to do some deep reflection on our personal values and leadership principles. For me, the last 12 months have been very consequential and full of seismic changes, both personally and professionally, therefore, to make sure I had an anchor, I took a moment to intentionally list out some of my own personal values and leadership principles and decided to share.
These principles help guide my behavior, keep my thoughts and actions constructive, and keep me moving forward to overcome obstacles. Some of the colleagues I’ve mentored in the past will recognize some of these points. Frankly, I wish someone had forced me to listen to these about 30 years ago!
1. Take a deep breath. It helps.
While this may seem trivial, it is absolutely powerful. Taking a pause helps to separate stimulus and response, allowing us to be far more deliberate in our actions, rather than allowing our emotions to rule over us. This simple act helps to reinforce our personal accountability and build trust with others. It is a magical elixir!
Does that sound familiar? It’s my paraphrase of the famous quote attributed to Viktor Frankyl, “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Taking that deep breath also helps us to put things into perspective and calms our physiological response to stress. Try it. It works. Following up that deep breath with a smile, or even a pleasant private muse, would be in the graduate level course!
Most of the time I feel like I’m still in the early elementary grades of practicing this principle, and I frequently need someone to help keep my wheels on the track - it’s not easy! This technique, more than any other, has allowed me to handle many challenging situations and stay constructive under duress. It also allows me to make sure that I am not over-reacting and reduces the likelihood that I am misinterpreting a situation.
Taking that moment to create space, prevents emotional pain later, and limits the amount of times I need to second guess myself.
2. Life is good. People are inherently good.
This may seem very naïve, but is simply a positive way of choosing to view the world. It is a choice and I cannot imagine holding any other view. Thinking positive thoughts helps keep us open-minded to change and welcome unexpected events. It also helps keep us approachable and more pleasant to be around - multiplying the possibilities of positive outcomes.
3. Everyone wants to do what is right and to help their team do well
We may struggle with understanding different interpretations of priorities and points of view, but never have I experienced someone bent on being just outright mean or malicious. Sometimes people temporarily allow their emotions to guide their actions, and act in a way they later regret - who hasn’t - that alone doesn’t make them bad people! With the approach and belief that people are good, it becomes easier to listen to opinions and alternative observations - as well as to give benefit of the doubt. As leaders, this principle also allows us to focus on the behavior, rather than the person, when addressing problems.
4. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, dignity, and empathy
Be kind. What we see and sense from someone is a tiny part of who they are. We cannot possibly know what is going on in a person’s life that can impact their behaviors, attitudes, and outlook. If we truly believe #2 and #3 above, it becomes easier to be considerate and to treat people respectfully, as we wish to be treated.
Sometimes people’s behavior makes it very difficult to adhere to this principle, however we must remember that there is a reason people behave the way they do. Discovering the reason, can help with modifying the behavior.
5. We all must role model the behavior we expect from others
What we say and do, if done consistently, will help to build organizational trust and predictability. If our behavior and response is predictable, we will empower those around us to act independently, confident that they are acting as we would.
If we are inconsistent, we erode trust, and risk giving ‘silent consent’ to behaviors that run contrary to those we really want. In order to be an effective role model, we must be mentally present and aware of our surroundings and conscious of our own behavior at all times as someone is ALWAYS watching.
6. Be prepared to say ‘I’m sorry.’
We are all human, and despite our best intentions, we will absolutely screw up. It’s guarantied! We are each accountable for our actions. The best path forward is to acknowledge the error, recommit yourself to behaving according to your values, and trying again, while hopefully learning something so as to avoid making the same mistake again.
7. Be equally prepared to say ‘I forgive you.’
Others are human too. They will need to be accountable for their behavior and the consequences of their actions, but let’s remember that no-one is perfect. That does not mean that we should accept their bad behavior, nor leave ourselves exposed to repeated occurrences.
Sometimes, forgiving someone else’s behavior is as much, or even more, for our own peace, as it is for them. Carrying grudges and pain is a huge burden that makes everything more difficult. Forgiveness does not mean opening yourself up for receiving the same pain from the same source again - that’s where the learning part is important - however, surrendering your peace to someone who has mistreated you, just means that they control you. Go back to principle #1, take a deep breath, learn something, forgive, and move forward in a manner that prevents the same outcome. This is often very difficult.
8. Be coachable
Hint - we aren’t perfect and also likely aren’t aware of our blind spots and logic gaps. Accept constructive criticism, digest it, and act on it. Work with a trusted coach or confidant who can help you live according to your values.
9. Be committed to life-long learning
Life-long learning is not simply about additional schooling, reading, or travelling to new places. It is actually about having an attitude that allows you to accept new information, new opinions, and view points that are different from your own. It is also about accepting challenges, embracing new situations, and even overcoming your fears.
10. Be accountable for your behavior and the results of your behavior
Since we are the only one who can control our actions, we own both the actions and the consequences of our actions. Before you can hold others accountable, you need to be able to hold yourself accountable. When you screw up, refer to principle 6 and say ‘I’m sorry’ - and then recommit yourself to living according to your values.
11. Laughter and sweat are the best medicines
Laughter is critical for our mental health and relieving stress. Sweat is critical for maintaining and improving our physical condition. Certainly eating right and getting plenty of high-quality sleep are on this list too! Remember that your health, both physical and mental, greatly impacts those around you, and especially those closest to you!
12. Finally, be your transparent and genuine self
If others don’t want to be around the true you, that’s their problem to solve, not yours.
