Accountability
We own our behavior and attitude!
Sunset at Santa Monica, CA
Have you ever noticed how unfair the world is? If you haven’t, you have a superpower many would envy!
Regardless of how unfair our circumstances feel, it is up to each of us to choose our response to our environment, and the only person who can make that choice for you, is you. Your response manifests itself in your attitude and behavior. In the end, you alone determine your attitude and behavior, and therefore you are the only person who can be accountable for the consequences of your response to your circumstances.
Do you feel like I just whacked you in the face with a 2x4? Perhaps we all need to read that paragraph again! All that negativity and griping about your circumstances isn’t helping you, your team, or your career. In fact, it is likely hurting you, your team, and limiting your career! It may also be undermining your personal relationships.
We need to choose better. We need to choose a values driven response to the stimulus of our circumstances and environment.
Does this sound familiar? If so, maybe you’ve read Viktor Frankl’s book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’. It’s an oldie but a goodie - and one of my favorites for reminding myself about my personal accountability. If you haven’t read it, it’s short and spell-binding. You won’t want to put it down once you start!
Frankl’s statement “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom,” famously inspired Steven Covey in the development of his 7-Habits of Highly Effective People (another favorite of mine). This quote perfectly speaks to personal responsibility, and consequently, our accountability for the consequences of our actions.
Frankl lived through some of the most unfair circumstances that one can imagine - he was a Jewish prisoner in a nazi concentration camp. He survived by stubbornly refusing to allow himself to be manipulated by his captors and his circumstances. He could not control what was happening to him nor the behavior of his guards or fellow prisoners. All he could control was his own behavior, and it was very difficult to do so. He exercised his ability to choose his response, and by doing so, retained his values and himself. He knew that only he had the authority and power to decide his own behavior, and that only he could be accountable for his own actions. He survived his horrible ordeal and his story has inspired countless readers of his book.
Whenever I start getting into ‘grumpy-gloom-and-doom-Jeff mode’ (yes, it happens!), I try to reframe my thoughts by the realization that nothing I’m experiencing will ever come close to the abuse taken by Frankl, and that if he could choose his response to such awful circumstances, then surely I can do the same and choose a values driven attitude and action. In the end, it is my choice and only I can answer for the consequences of my actions. This is not easy, takes practice, and the occasional nudge from trusted partners (thanks Irina!).
Exercising to expand our own ability to choose our response can be as simple as breathing. My #1 guiding principle of self-management, and the one I use the most in coaching others, is simply - “take a deep breath, it helps!”
Focusing on breathing is a well known and powerful meditative technique with proven healthy outcomes - lowering stress, lowering blood pressure, combating anxiety etc. But you don’t need to be an expert meditator to use this technique - simply stopping and taking a breath before responding in a tense situation can buy you the space needed to choose a more constructive and values driven path forward.
When you find yourself getting tense, stressed, or thinking about how unfair the world is, remember - when the dust settles, only you can answer for your attitude and behavior, and therefore only you can be responsible and accountable for the outcome and consequences stemming from your behavior. Taking a deep breath to separate your response from the stimulus of your current circumstances will buy you the time to make a better choice.
Choose wisely!
