Are You Considering a Job Change Because of Your Toxic Boss?
“I hate my boss, should I change jobs?” This is a very common question from people asking for career advice. Are you experiencing this dilemma?
Of course, it is not for me, or any other coach, to directly answer that question. The role of the coach is to guide you so that YOU can make the best answer for YOU. In the final analysis, you are the only one who can make that decision, and you are the one who will need to live with the consequences, good or bad, of that decision. You will be accountable, so a coach’s role is to ensure that you have thought through every angle of your decision, help you see other perspectives, and identify consequences before you decide.
Factors to Consider
So you find your boss to be toxic in one way or another. Okay, we’ve all had bosses we hoped would disappear one day into a heavy fog bank off the coast of Australia and never reappear, so most coaches will be able to relate to your problem sympathetically. We may even have developed little nicknames for those alligator bosses we experienced along the way and be secretly musing about those past situations when we should be listening to YOU describe your current circumstances and feelings.
Therein lies the trap when you seek advice. You do not need sympathy - you need someone who will listen with empathy and then help you with your analysis of the situation.
Your advisor or coach must be careful not to use their experiences to describe your situation – no matter how satisfying it feels. Your coach needs to try to put themselves into your shoes and understand your perspective and feelings first. Your coach must not assume that just because they once worked for Attila the Hun they know all about your situation! Your coach’s role is to listen while you paint the full picture in every detail. This is listening empathetically and it should be step 1 in the coaching process.
Once you paint a complete picture, your coach can then ask additional questions to help you see other perspectives or factors you haven’t considered. The idea is to help you make a more informed decision. If your coach is not able to keep their own experiences from coloring their understanding of your situation, then find another coach!
Are you running away from something too quickly?
Some people will be quick to judge a situation, or a person, and decide they should not tolerate the circumstances, rather than look for minor adjustments and problem-solving techniques that would improve the situation. Just because you can leave a situation, does not mean you should.
Unsurprisingly, we all have our hot buttons, and when those buttons are pressed we risk overreacting to a relatively benign set of circumstances that are quite easily repaired without a risky job change. Remember that changing jobs is a gamble and even though you are going to try to make sure the odds are in your favor, there is still a risk that you will end up in a worse situation. So do not take the decision lightly or as an emotional reaction. Perhaps there are ways for you to change the circumstances without taking on a risky career move.
As a coach, I find it is often useful to drill into the ‘why’ behind your reaction. Perhaps something in your past has made you susceptible to being very sensitive to certain subjects. If this is the case, your coach may be able to hold up a mirror and demonstrate that the situation may be salvageable, and even suggest some techniques for improving circumstances or your reaction to the circumstances.
Should you first try to change the circumstances or even your frame of mind? Maybe a discussion with your boss would help gain improvements. Believe it or not, bosses are people too, and often are blind to how their behavior is causing pain. Entire volumes could be written about when and how to pursue discussions like this, but it should be a consideration talked through with your coach.
A job change is a risky proposition and should not be undertaken without a thorough consideration of the alternatives!
If you are determined to leave, are there options that retain some of the good in your current situation?
If you are adamant that you cannot continue to work under the current conditions/boss, the next area of exploration might be to determine if there are other more palatable avenues open within the same organization.
Moving within an organization to a new boss can be an attractive option, especially if you are a long-tenured employee, as you would maintain much of your network, your reputation, your influence, and your seniority while removing yourself from the influence of your current nemesis. You might also already possess good knowledge as to your potential new boss’ reputation and behavior.
The larger the organization, the more likely this is a potential path to be explored.
This option can be especially attractive if you are already considering a change in functional area or career path - such as switching from Production Management to Financial Controllership. If the switch in function requires a small career step backward to gain functional knowledge, staying within the same organization may mean that you can minimize the pain of this type of move and retain your reputation, influence, and financial stability - and hopefully be outside of your old boss’ influence.
Are you moving towards something better or just swapping one bad situation for another potentially bad situation?
If you decide that you must leave the organization and truly change jobs, then the matter of urgency must be discussed. Is the current condition so terrible that an immediate change is needed? Sometimes yes, but usually this is not the case. If you can continue to tolerate the current circumstances for several additional months, then you may be better off in the long run if you wait until you find a job that you want to run towards, rather than simply running away from your current job.
Running toward a situation that is obviously in your desired career direction, pay, or lifestyle balance, keeps career momentum in a positive direction and is far easier to explain later. Taking a position that is not a clear improvement in any obvious lasting and meaningful way, is akin to buying another lottery ticket because the one you just played didn’t win – the chance of success is low, and you will have a very difficult time explaining the decision later, when you are looking again!
As an executive who has interviewed hundreds of candidates for management positions I always try to decipher if the person is running to this opportunity or running away from their current one. We always want to hire someone who wants the position for good reasons!
Conclusion
Your question “I hate my boss, should I change jobs?” is never an easy one to answer. Find a coach who will resist the temptation to interpret your circumstances through their own experiences. Only by empathetically listening to truly understand your perspective and feelings can a coach help you problem solve by asking many thought-provoking questions that lead YOU to YOUR best answer.
Consider if the current situation can be salvaged and if not, what options exist that preserve the most good and lead you in a positive career direction. Always try to run towards your next step rather than running away from your last one.
